I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
