You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
