so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize