Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
