her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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