I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
