literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
