u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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