every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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