break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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