Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
