literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to have your abortion
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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