exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
