Just fell off a train. Bad.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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