We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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