I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
