Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
