Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
