Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
