Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
