At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
