We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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