I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
