This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
