Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
