Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we made out on top of his cat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
