do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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