My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
