my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
