life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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