she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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