I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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