I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
