When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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