I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
