So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
