My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
