What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
