Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
