he thought i was a dude.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
