you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
