it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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