There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
