i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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