I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
