im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
