Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
