Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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