Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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