I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
