So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i came on her dog
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
