Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
