is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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