Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize