I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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