Don't you send me to vm
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
