i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
