dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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