He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
