I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
