Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
