Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
