Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
is that a dick in a sweater?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
