Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
