i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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