um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
