i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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