clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
