I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
