I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I party with great urgency now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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