And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
