I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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