Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
