I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
