fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
